Today I am praising [KFC] for raising breast cancer awareness by selling pink buckets of chicken. For every bucket sold, KFC donates 50 cents to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure, an organization that raises awareness for breast cancer. Now some are saying this endorsement sends a mixed message, like Barbara Brenner, executive director of Breast Cancer Action, who argues, ‘They are raising for women’s health by selling a product that’s bad for health…it’s hypocrisy.’ No, madam, it’s hypoCRISPY. Besides, there’s an easy way to solve this dilemma. Yes, fried food may clog your arteries, so after you buy the chicken, everyone should also buy Campbell’s soup, whose AdDress Your Heart campaign raises money to fight heart disease. Of course, canned soup also has high levels of sodium, which can lead to kidney disease. That’s why you should load up on Coca-Cola, corporate partner of the National Kidney Foundation. Now sugary soft drinks can contribute to diabetes, so we all need to buy a Ford, global partner of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. And don’t worry that the trucks and SUVs hurt the environment, just buy a carton of Marlboro because Marlboro is a major partner of Keep America Beautiful. Of course, smoking causes cancer, so you want to fight back by buying a bucket of KFC. World saved.
—Stephen Colbert, on KFC’s pink buckets of chicken